You did a bad, bad thing. But I don’t have to tell you that. You already know.
I apologize if I have to sling a little “tough love” your way in this article. Hopefully it won’t be too harsh. I do it only because I want to help you get your ex back, even if you deserve to be dumped for cheating.
But don’t beat yourself up mercilessly. None of us is so smitten that we can’t be drawn to the allure of another man or woman. People cheat. They do it all the time.
Men cheat. Women cheat. And you cheated, got caught, and got dumped. Tough.
So what’s next? You’re here because you still love your ex. You want them back.
Better buckle up because it’s not going to be easy, and I hope you’re in this for the long haul.
But, first things first. Why did you cheat? Did the opportunity present itself and lust got the best of you? Did you do it because you were angry? Did you get drunk, go home with who you thought was your boyfriend/girlfriend, only to find out in the morning that wasn’t the case? Or did you do it because you’re just an asshole and/or a serial cheater? Be honest!
If you’re a serial cheater, that’s fine. But if that’s the case, you need to accept who you are, and then be upfront about needing or wanting multiple partners in the future. Promiscuity and a stable relationship don’t mix. As you already found out, you can’t have your Kate and Edith too (unless of course Kate and Edith are also ok with it).
Now, if this was just a one-time error in judgment, then you have a chance. We all make mistakes. All of us give into some sort of temptation at one point or another. It happens. Take responsibility for it, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Apologize for what you did, but don’t grovel and beg. It better be sincere. And you better be ready to accept you relationship isn’t going to be the same for a long, long time…maybe ever.
Expect to forgo your privacy. It’s not a choice. You have to if you want your ex to trust you again. He/she will want to see your phone, Facebook messages, emails…everything…on a regular basis.
Expect questions about everywhere you go and everyone you hang out with. Don’t come home late. Don’t show up places you aren’t supposed to be. It might be brutal, but if you really want your ex back, you need to prove you aren’t going to cheat again. You need to earn their trust back and that takes a long time.
So don’t argue about how they have no right to “check up on you” or “invade your privacy”. You cheated. Deal with it. Your privacy went out the window when you decided to play with someone else’s private parts. Accommodate.
Obviously your ex can’t hold it against you forever if they also want the relationship to work. At some point, they’ll need to forgive and move on. But in the beginning, expect it to be a rocky ride. Cheating destroys trust. You’ll be on thin ice as you try to rebuild it.